my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
