sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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