what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
