Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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