This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
