Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
