operation harelip BJ is a go
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
