Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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