i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
