she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
