You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
