When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
