I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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