Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
