I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
