You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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