Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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