Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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