Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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