Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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