Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
