Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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