I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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