Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize