Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
