She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
