I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
