Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
