he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
