He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
