Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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