I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
