dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
