We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
