alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
