last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
