went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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