I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
