I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
