The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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