If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize