Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
