Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
