He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
