well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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