My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
