The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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