Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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