I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
