lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
