she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Come see our sink grown plant.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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