i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
