like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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