Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize