She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
