he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
