I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
