Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
