so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
