I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
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