My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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