She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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