she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
