Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
