I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
