Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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