I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize