I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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