I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
