i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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