the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize