i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
