As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize