it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
