If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
