I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
