I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
